... [ Sigh. ] I don't know. Guess I was looking for company?
[ He knows full well there are others who have it worse, but... Does he really want to be near those three right now? He'd probably make things worse, the way he's feeling. ]
[ He'll almost smile; it was funny, hearing Norton ask him this. It wasn't like a bad thing, just him feeling a little nostalgic whenever he had asked friends to keep secrets. But it was more important than that now, he thinks.
So he will nod just so, finding no problem in doing as much. ]
Now, I don't know if you realize, but a miner's life is pretty damn hard. All that work for little pay, and you end up rotting in the old folk's home at the end of it all if you're lucky. It always pained me to see those old geezers whenever I came by to visit, help them out a little if I could. No obligations, of course, just looking out for them.
...I've never been mining, but even back in my world, they certainly had people who did those things. And it sounded rather tough just by the sound of it.
[ Finally, though, something he was vaguely familiar with! ]
So, I can believe it, and...those people were lucky to have you.
Trust me, you wouldn't last too long in the mines.
[ Don't take that too personally... There isn't much of a smile at the compliment though. Just a nod. ]
Anyway, that's where I ran into Iorn Chisel Benny. Now, Benny showed me this list of mines he thought had loads of gold and gemstones. I was getting desperate, so I decided to visit those mines myself to see if I could nab something valuable before the robber barons got to it.
[ He looked sheepish. He's not good with rough things; him even swinging a blade would be like hoping for a miracle he didn't hurt himself by accident. He would NOT survive an hour in the mines before breaking out in legitimate tears and falling to his knees in despair. ]
[ That was clear enough just by looking at the guy... You may as well drag a delicate rose through a briar patch. ]
Visits. I had to go in one mine at a time, joining the group already working there for a while before moving on...
Didn't find jack in the first twelve mines. The last one on the list was crossed out for some reason, and I was sure there must be something good hidden in there...
[ .....that was a lot of mines to go searching through, holy shit. ]
Was that true? Were you able to find something good hidden?
[ But, he had a feeling that wasn't to be the case. Call it some form of intuition, honestly. intuition he wished could've pointed him in the direction of the killer, he noted sullenly. But he forced his attention back to the story, which was actually serving as a good distraction. ]
[ He frowns, shaking his head. ] I don't know what got into me there... Into all of us, maybe. The deeper we went, the more desperate we got. We just knew there must be gold or silver in that cave, and we wanted to get our hands on those riches one way or another...
... [ He looks up at Huaisang. ] You know what dynamite is, right?
It's a kind of bomb. An explosive. [ That should explain enough. ]
It was beginning used to blow out chunks of rock in mines... But we got careless with it. We were so impatient that we snuck it in where we shouldn't have just to get to the gold faster...
[ There's darkness in his eyes as he admits this much. A fresh look of fear as he recalls the disaster that's been haunting him. ]
Last thing I fully remember was lighting the fuse... It went off... And I was lying there in pain as the whole damn cave came crashing down on us...
As he's listening, and he mentioned something about the dynamite being used when it shouldn't have been...and he had feeling that it wasn't going to be a situation that ended well.
He was proven right when the other finished being in a bad position. He kind of had new respect for miners who would go through all of that, to be honest. ]
[ He'll look down. He won't tell Norton not to blame himself. An individual's harshest critic was oneself, and in the end, he had in fact made a mistake. It'd be folly to insist he hadn't, and Huaisang wasn't so soft to try to insist as much. ]
I appreciate you telling me this, though. Like I promised, I'll keep this to myself. There's really no reason for me to go around spreading a story like this to anyone.
[ That's a little surprise, but he didn't think it a bad one! ]
Anyway, I'm glad you decided to speak about it with someone. Holding onto things like this can be a heavy burden...I'm sure even having me listen helped soften the blow a little bit.
[ He... Hadn't considered this. Then again, he never figured people really cared enough to listen. Last time anyone actually spoke to him about it was when he was recovering in the hospital, and even then it was just some acquaintances and bosses saying "My condolences" or some hollow shit like that.
And then, nothing. Hardly anyone got this close to him again, and he's pretty sure they had some crazy ideas about him after that. Not that he really felt that bothered by it... So he told himself. ]
... Maybe it did. I don't know.
[ A part of him was sure this might have been a mistake, but screw it. He really needed someone to talk to... ]
[ ... To be honest, Huaisang was actually a little happy the other man had decided to come to him for it. A lot had happened today, and besides the show of trust, it had allowed him to get his thoughts off of the result of the trial.
So really, this whole discussion was beneficial to the both of them. ]
Hm, well, regardless I didn't mind it at all. So if you ever feel the need to, you can seek me out anytime.
Now, maybe you'd like to spend some time reading some fun stories with me?
[ A slight smile lit up his face as he said that. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[ He knows full well there are others who have it worse, but... Does he really want to be near those three right now? He'd probably make things worse, the way he's feeling. ]
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[ He'll turn to face him, his expression looking a little sad. ]
Was there anything you wanted to talk about? I don't mind listening again, just like before.
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...Where do I even start?
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Maybe the easiest part, if there is one?
[ There was always an easier part...well, most of the time. Sometimes there just wasn't, but it was good to start somewhere. ]
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Well, I guess I'm a bit worried about some jackass getting away with murder, but that's what anyone would tell you if you asked them.
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...Start with the next easier part, then.
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... Next easiest... The look on C-ta's face when he snapped...
He winces at the thought of telling anyone, but the fan guy's been nothing but kind to him. He can't trust the guy, not fully, but maybe... ]
Promise you won't say anything about what I'll tell you? This is one story I would have liked to take to my grave in any other circumstance.
[ He doesn't know if he can keep mum about that for much longer without losing it himself. ]
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So he will nod just so, finding no problem in doing as much. ]
I promise. I'm pretty good at keeping secrets.
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... It all happened back in my mining days.
Now, I don't know if you realize, but a miner's life is pretty damn hard. All that work for little pay, and you end up rotting in the old folk's home at the end of it all if you're lucky. It always pained me to see those old geezers whenever I came by to visit, help them out a little if I could. No obligations, of course, just looking out for them.
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[ Finally, though, something he was vaguely familiar with! ]
So, I can believe it, and...those people were lucky to have you.
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[ Don't take that too personally... There isn't much of a smile at the compliment though. Just a nod. ]
Anyway, that's where I ran into Iorn Chisel Benny. Now, Benny showed me this list of mines he thought had loads of gold and gemstones. I was getting desperate, so I decided to visit those mines myself to see if I could nab something valuable before the robber barons got to it.
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[ He looked sheepish. He's not good with rough things; him even swinging a blade would be like hoping for a miracle he didn't hurt himself by accident. He would NOT survive an hour in the mines before breaking out in legitimate tears and falling to his knees in despair. ]
...anyway, what happened after your visit?
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Visits. I had to go in one mine at a time, joining the group already working there for a while before moving on...
Didn't find jack in the first twelve mines. The last one on the list was crossed out for some reason, and I was sure there must be something good hidden in there...
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Was that true? Were you able to find something good hidden?
[ But, he had a feeling that wasn't to be the case. Call it some form of intuition, honestly. intuition he wished could've pointed him in the direction of the killer, he noted sullenly. But he forced his attention back to the story, which was actually serving as a good distraction. ]
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I found... Something. But...
[ He frowns, shaking his head. ] I don't know what got into me there... Into all of us, maybe. The deeper we went, the more desperate we got. We just knew there must be gold or silver in that cave, and we wanted to get our hands on those riches one way or another...
... [ He looks up at Huaisang. ] You know what dynamite is, right?
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[ But Huaisang was listening, as he wondered what that 'something' was, honestly. But then he'll pause at the question, tilting his head a bit. ]
...Dynamite?
[ That probably said a lot, yep. ]
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It's a kind of bomb. An explosive. [ That should explain enough. ]
It was beginning used to blow out chunks of rock in mines... But we got careless with it. We were so impatient that we snuck it in where we shouldn't have just to get to the gold faster...
[ There's darkness in his eyes as he admits this much. A fresh look of fear as he recalls the disaster that's been haunting him. ]
Last thing I fully remember was lighting the fuse... It went off... And I was lying there in pain as the whole damn cave came crashing down on us...
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As he's listening, and he mentioned something about the dynamite being used when it shouldn't have been...and he had feeling that it wasn't going to be a situation that ended well.
He was proven right when the other finished being in a bad position. He kind of had new respect for miners who would go through all of that, to be honest. ]
...How did you even get out of that?
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...I'm sorry, that sounds difficult. [ ... ] Do you...are you still blaming yourself for that?
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What do you think?
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[ He'll look down. He won't tell Norton not to blame himself. An individual's harshest critic was oneself, and in the end, he had in fact made a mistake. It'd be folly to insist he hadn't, and Huaisang wasn't so soft to try to insist as much. ]
I appreciate you telling me this, though. Like I promised, I'll keep this to myself. There's really no reason for me to go around spreading a story like this to anyone.
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Thanks.
You know, you're actually the first person I've actually talked to about that mess.
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[ That's a little surprise, but he didn't think it a bad one! ]
Anyway, I'm glad you decided to speak about it with someone. Holding onto things like this can be a heavy burden...I'm sure even having me listen helped soften the blow a little bit.
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And then, nothing. Hardly anyone got this close to him again, and he's pretty sure they had some crazy ideas about him after that. Not that he really felt that bothered by it... So he told himself. ]
... Maybe it did. I don't know.
[ A part of him was sure this might have been a mistake, but screw it. He really needed someone to talk to... ]
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So really, this whole discussion was beneficial to the both of them. ]
Hm, well, regardless I didn't mind it at all. So if you ever feel the need to, you can seek me out anytime.
Now, maybe you'd like to spend some time reading some fun stories with me?
[ A slight smile lit up his face as he said that. ]
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[ Quite a change in demeanour from yesterday... It's amazing what a horrible trial can do to people. ]
What the hell, why not. What have you been reading there?